Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Day the Music Died

Another iPod bites the dust. What is this, 2 or 3 that I've killed now? I swear, all I did was sit down on the bike, plug in my headphones and..........nothing. Well, actually, I think I heard a tiny computery voice go "F it, I'm out!, but I could be wrong.

So what's a girl to do with 800 calories worth of biking to do with no tunes? Study the weird specimens that habitate the gym, of course! Here are some of the species and their descriptions from my day of field research:

- Tattooed Mid-Life Crisis Man - Sports a gray buzz cut, freshly inked barbed-wire bicep tattoos and has the annoying tendency of getting on his cellphone every single time he sits down on the crunch machine. Every. Single. Time.

- Male Swan - A 20-something who probably spent a lot of high school lunches sitting alone with his acne and Texas Instrument, and now spends his breakfasts, lunches, dinners and all the time in between, lifting, chugging whey protein and frantically looking to see who's checking him out....whenever he can manage to peel his eyes away from the mirror, that is.  

- Exhausted Man - A disheveled middle-aged man who shuffles to the gym every day in his slippers (yes, his slippers) and rides the bike next to mine every Thursday. He leans his head back, eyes closed and hands folded as if in a prayer as he barely gets the pedals around a full 360. (still in his slippers)

- Perfume Girl - A college girl who really took the 'The gym's a great place to meet someone!' theory to heart. Matching workout outfit, full make-up and drowned in Victoria's Secret Angel Perfume, she manages to be at the gym longer than the Male Swan, while accomplishing nothing aerobic or anaerobic, as she flits around the gym, wafting her scent coquettishly in the direction of the other Male Swans.

- Rico Suave - A friendly middle-aged man who salsas in between his sets. Ole!

and my personal favorite

- Oxygen Tank Couple - A supersweet elderly couple, made up of a very nice husband who dutifully carries his wife's oxygen tank as they totter around the track. Everyone should have someone in their life willing to carry their oxygen tank around when they get old.

These are only a small sampling of the oddities that frequent my gym. What about you? Have you witnessed any strange characters at your gym?


  1. Gotta love the gym! Haha slipper guy! Sorry about the iPod. Boo.

  2. I guess you like to people watch like me. There are a few regulars that I see as well. There is one woman who loves to life weights with the guys. She is overly friendly with all of the men but gives all of the females dirty looks. She loves the mirror and spends half of her time doing dirty dances move in front of it!! Pretty entertaining!! I love how she works out in Coach tennis shoes too!!

  3. Well the other day I spotted a fella in pink shorts, and thought, "wow, gutsy move". But then, upon second glance I realized it was a she...or was it? It's Pat - like on SNL! When Pat got done and walked toward the locker rooms, I had to see which door Pat would choose, the women's or men's. Pat double faked towards the women's entrance and instead went to the water fountain! The mystery continues!